THE END....

Sarah Chilton Director of External Affairs for ABL Health ironically....

My emphasis (in bold).

"They are often voluble and verbally facile. They can be amusing and entertaining conversationalists, able to tell unlikely but convincing stories that cast themselves in a good light. They can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likeable and charming.

They have a narcissistic and grossly inflated view of their own self-worth and importance, a truly astounding egocentricity and sense of entitlement, and see themselves as the centre of the universe, justified in living according to their own rules. One woman described these rules as "looking out for number one."

They show a stunning lack of concern for the effects their actions have on others, no matter how devastating these might be. They have no sense of guilt, are not sorry for the ensuing pain. Their lack of remorse or guilt is associated with a remarkable ability to rationalise their behaviour, to shrug off personal responsibility for actions that cause family, friends, and others to reel with shock and disappointment. They usually have handy excuses for their behaviour, and in some cases deny that it happened at all.
They have a profound lack of empathy and inability to construct a mental and emotional "facsimile" of another person. They seem completely unable to "get into the skin" of others. They are completely indifferent to the rights and suffering of family and strangers alike.

When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they seldom appear perplexed or embarrassed—they simply change their stories or rework the facts to be consistent with the lie. And they seem proud of their ability to lie.

They suffer a kind of emotional poverty that limits the range and depth of their feelings. At times they appear to be cold and unemotional while nevertheless being prone to dramatic, shallow, and short-lived displays of feeling.

"I did it because I felt like it," is a common response. Partners, family members, relatives, employers, and coworkers typically find themselves standing around asking themselves what happened? Jobs are quit, relationships broken off, plans changed, houses ransacked, people hurt, often for what appears as little more than a whim. As a husband put it: "She got up and left the table, and that was the last I saw of her for two months."

Besides being impulsive, they are highly reactive to perceived insults or slights. The slightest provocation is sufficient. They are short-tempered or hotheaded and tend to respond to frustration, failure, discipline, and criticism with sudden violence, threats or verbal abuse. But their outbursts, extreme as they may be, are often short-lived, and they quickly act as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

Obligations and commitments mean nothing to them. Their good intentions — "I'll always love you" — are promises written on the wind. They do not honour formal or implied commitments to people, organisations, or principles. They are not deterred by the possibility that their actions mean hardship, pain or suffering for others.

They have a profound inability to experience empathy and the complete range of emotions. As a result, the capacity for developing internal controls and conscience and for making emotional "connections" with others is greatly reduced.

But here is the crux: They don't feel they have psychological or emotional problems, and they see no reason to change their behaviour."

(Characteristics of psychopaths, 2008)

A bit extreme? I'm not so sure - Sarah Chilton ticks all of these boxes. The sudden tantrums: the lack of empathy: being the centre of the universe: the lack of remorse for the harm her actions have caused; hotheadedness; her easy ability to lie; her promises written on the wind; and her complete refusal to accept that anything might be wrong with her.

And psychopaths don't all turn out to become tabloid serial killers, apparently. Some just carry on with the same behaviour, unrecognised. I have no idea if she is a psychopath, all I can say is that her behaviour shows psychopathic tendencies.

Anyway...

These are some questions which Sarah Chilton will never answer :

There's a smugness in that expression; 'I've done nothing wrong'. 

Do you think you were right to end our relationship after almost two years by just posting my house keys to me?

Do you think you were right to rant and rave hysterically at me in December '17?

Do you think you were right to knowingly and wrongly accuse me of 'carrying on'?

Do you think you were right to betray me to my employer?

Do you ever regret it?

Do you think you were right to lie to me about it?

Do you think you were right to respond to my anniversary letter in April '18 by calling the police and alleging harassment?

Do you think you were right to treat me with silence after we had spent almost two years together?

Do you think you were right to have me cautioned for alleged harassment in July '18?

Do you think you were right to have me arrested at 4am, thrown in the back of a Black Maria and then forced to spend eight hours in a police cell?

Do you ever think of the impact any of your actions have had on me?

Have you any idea what it feels like to be suicidal?

Do you ever think that, perhaps, I was struggling to come to terms with your abandonment and desertion, your horrible betrayal, your silence and ignorance, and your carelessness?

Do you think it was right for your father to go wild on seeing my car pass your house on my final visit to Marsden in May '18 and then attempt to attack me/my car?

Do you ever think that you were just a teeny bit responsible for my mental decline and my repeated suicide attempts two months after you abandoned me in May '17?

Can you even begin to understand that your silence and ignorance = I am worthless?

Do you ever think that you should read this blog and try to understand something of what was going on for me?

Do you ever think you could have showed some empathy and some understanding?

Do you ever think you were responsible? For anything?

Do you ever understand that I really loved you, from the bottom of my heart?

Do you ever think that it was all your problem and not mine?

Do you ever think that I did nothing wrong?

That none of it was my fault?

Do you ever think it was a little bit understandable for me to turn to Jo for help,  and support because she understood employment law, when I was struggling with my employer trying to destroy my professional career? (Especially when you were in a huff and refusing to help me?)

Do you ever think that it was cowardly never to speak to me honestly and truthfully, like an adult?

Do you even begin to consider how I felt on the moors in January '18 after my massive insulin overdose? Or how I felt being placed under police guard for 48 hours in hospital?

Do you ever consider the impact on me of police and ambulance being at my door repeatedly because I was so suicidal as a result of your behaviour ?

Do you ever put yourself in my shoes?

Do you ever think about why I was in Marsden finally in May?

Do you ever even think about me?

Well, I think about you - not in an affectionate way, any more, obviously. But every day. And I wonder...

After being so close, so intimate, that you could just give our 2-year relationship away like that. So easily? And then turn to the police because you couldn't stand the truth in my April letter?

There was one three-minute rant from you in December, one pathetic one-way 'conversation' on February 14th, one letter in April - and then you unleash the hounds on my back.

Reasonable? My therapist thinks it was an incredibly extreme reaction by you. But perhaps she is the one who is mad.

Do you ever think that you were ever at fault? About anything?

Do you ever think about the hurt, indescribable pain and lasting damage you have caused another human being?

Do you think you have acted honestly and truthfully with me?

I guess I know the answers to most of these questions.

I am just so dumbfounded by the action you have taken against me in your ignorance and enforced silence. Love turns to hate quickly with you doesn't it?

And you can't control yourself. Drama queen. Throwing tantrums. Continually lashing out at me, even when you knew your 'carrying on' allegation was a horrible lie. A self-delusion.

But I had done nothing wrong.

I have always told the truth. Which is why you will never read this. You can't stand it.

All relationships will face challenges from time to time. I guess the test of their strength - of the 'love' that they are meant to celebrate - is how they cope with these challenges.

In my case, the challenge of my fight for my professional life and for my physical and mental health, proved too much for Sarah. So she ran away.

She carelessly threw our relationship into the bin. That's awful. Terrible. Unbelievable.

I guess I valued our relationship - and her - more than she did me. Which makes me a fool. And I actually write this in summer 2018.

But then her behaviour since that - her quick betrayal, the December hysterics, the February lies, the April nastiness - just worsened the pain, the suffering and the torture.

So stay in your sullen silence, Sarah. Not an honest word from you since May 2017. You could never break that horrible silence once your treachery and betrayal was found out. You have no excuses for it, but your own madness.

So never speak, except to the ones you truly love and who will validate you, approve of you, unquestioningly - your parents, Sharon your spy, your family, the next bloke, etc, etc.

Never explain. Never justify. Never communicate. Never apologise, obviously. Never show any remorse.

That's obviously the only way you can deal with your abandonment of me, your betrayal, jealousy and profound insecurity.

I write this to try and make sense of how Sarah Chilton behaved.

Me and Sarah were very different animals.

When trouble loomed, Sarah's first instinct was "flight."

No surprise, but my first instinct was "fight."

So when my employer wrongly started disciplinary action against me, Sarah's instinct was flight. She struggled with it as long as she could. But she couldn't maintain it for long.

She didn't want that fight. Didn't like it. Felt threatened by it. (When a similar thing had happened to her at ADS, she quickly made a deal and exited.)

(I am struck by how flight seems to equate in people with an upbringing from over-protective, spoiling parents.)

I didn't have that flight option with my employer, who was determined to destroy me and my professional career. No doubt encouraged by Sarah's later betrayal of me.

So a disconnect between Sarah and me straightaway. I could call Sarah's reaction cowardice, but that seems slightly harsh, with hindsight. It's just the way she is. A product of her upbringing.

She didn't like the problems with my diabetes either. Or my depression and anxiety. All getting in the way of her. And she certainly didn't like me relying on help from an ex, who had remained a loyal friend.

Second: I got a lot correct on this blog. How well I knew Sarah. She walked away and didn't care a jot/think twice about the break-up of our relationship. I have now learned that this is called 'ghosting.' She is there one minute, and then the 'lady' vanishes.

Certainly I have been haunted by her for 18 months, which has been terrible torture.

And she embarked on a process of self-delusion/self-denial and then sought terrible revenge against me.

Her Great Betrayal bears this out. Why the need for 'revenge'? What had I done wrong exactly? Nothing. There was more self-delusion with her "you have destroyed my life" outburst in December.

Doesn't much look like it now, luv.

I wish you could see my broken life, now. But you really have no idea, do you? Not an ounce of comprehension.

I am just astonished that any human being could treat another, who they once said they loved, with such flagrant, hate-filled disregard. And so horribly.

Maybe that's the way of the world tho. And maybe, I am too sensitive. I should have just shrugged it all off - just like her. But that's not me. For better or worse.

Sarah seems to be in total denial about the impact of her actions. Doesn't want to think about it. This is what she does to try and cope. She just shuts down and tries to blot it all out. It can't be anything remotely to do with her.

Deny it and, therefore, it does not exist. Dismissed again. She just couldn't face up to it. She didn't want to take any responsibility for what she had done.

Or maybe, if she IS psychotic, she just didn't care one jot.  Then she quickly had other 'interests'.

"He seems to blame me for his mental health issues," she told the police, complaining about my final visit to Marsden.

Too right I do, luv.

Denying any responsibility, or involvement, helps her survive and face up to herself in the mirror every morning.

Deep breath.

Of course I was already suffering from depression/anxiety when she left me in May 2017. But to deny that Sarah's actions in leaving/abandoning/deserting me actually exacerbated/worsened/increased my depression and anxiety is to deny the truth.

It did force me down the path to attempted suicide, because it triggered "I am worthless," in my head. So I might as well end it all. Cause and effect.

I guess being so wilfully ignored and her enforced silence because of her treachery, sends a clear message to me: "you are not worth anything." Cue the suicidal ideation.

It wasn't overnight. It took time. Two months until August when I tried to hang myself. My breakdown dominated that summer.

When I was later told of her Great Betrayal, it just added to the agony and torture.

Meanwhile, her betrayal left her in a bit of a hole, with no way out. Except to rant at me in December when I challenged her. And then she lied to me in February. And then stayed schtum. She had nowhere else to go.

My immediate reaction back in May '17 to her returning my front door keys without a word, was one of complete and utter contempt. For her and for her actions.

I thought: "Fuck her then, she has abandoned me after almost two years together, when I need her more than ever. The absolute bitch."

I was utterly contemptuous of her selfish behaviour. Better off without her. The last thing I needed was more selfish, self-indulgent tantrums, more drama and hissy fits. I am too old to be playing childish games.

I think, in sending me my keys, she was partly testing me. Wanting me to chase after her. Yet again. Quite manipulative and calculating?

I wasn't well, physically and mentally. And I really didn't have the energy to go after her.  I thought it was her job, to come to me.

I was the victim, not her. I was the one needing help and support.

And I was so tired of her jealousy and emotional insecurity, which I regarded as petty and inconsequential.

Because I was so certain of my own feelings for her, ironically.

But by then, I was totally exhausted with her tantrums and had too many other things on my plate. She understood nothing of this.

I was constantly responding to employment emails throughout the day, new demands from my employer. Being summoned deliberately to exhausting meetings in London. Continual problems with trying to control my diabetes, suffering horrible hypos, and deepening depression and anxiety, suicidal ideation.

But Sarah was unable to show any human empathy for me at all. It was all about her. When I was struggling to survive.

I guess it was two weeks after the shock of her returning my keys in May 2017 and the continual silence from her, that I started to ruminate. "How, why, what?" "How could she do that?" I tried to understand and tried to work it out. On and on, for ever, trying to work it out in my head. This blog is evidence.

But I do believe Sarah was used to relationships ending suddenly, whether by her, or someone else. It's how she reacts to relationship difficulties. By cutting them dead. Dismissed, again. She almost expected it/anticipated it with me. (Lack of self-esteem again and a perverted sense of betrayal at the slightest, smallest thing; her lack of trust and any personal loyalty, etc).

Sarah's perception was that I was the one at fault and she was the victim. That must be true because I didn't contact her, did I? That was my job, not hers.

Jesus, no understanding, at all. No empathy, crucially.

Truth is, she was in my thoughts every day.

She gave up on me after about two months - she said she met my employer 'in the summer'. That's when she betrayed me and exacted her revenge. About the time that I tried to hang myself.

Amazingly, I never gave up on her, till now (summer 2018). I think partly, that I wanted to rescue her. To save her, from herself. Believing that as an apparently intelligent woman, she would respond properly eventually and behave rationally. But it was/is beyond her.

Amazingly, for a health professional with ABL, Sarah has no understanding about mental health, about suicidal ideation, chronic depression and anxiety.

I had no answers from her for two months until I finally broke that August. No contact, her deafening silence, no answers, no explanation, no communication when I was going through hell and beset with stuff that I was helpless to control. So, suicidal in August. The blog has explained most, not all, of what happened.

Every day I had been ruminating about Sarah, her actions, her behaviour, missing her every day, waiting for her to turn up miraculously, to see my new garden, the things that had changed in the house, shopping hand in hand with me in Sainsbury's, walking Bob in the park (all absolutely pedestrian, every day stuff, but stuff that I shared with her. Waiting for her to give me a hug and console me. Waiting for her, as an apparently intelligent woman, to understand.)

But it's revealing that when she complained to the cops about my final visit to Marsden in May 2018, she never told them about any of this.

Couldn't face up to it. Wouldn't look good for her. So block it out.

She had no idea that I thought about her every day, how much I hoped against hope that she would relent. How much I wanted her to come back and say, "I'm sorry - I should never have left you, I will help and support you now."

This was a vain hope, of course. But it was still going on in my mind all through those awful, terrible months. She, of course, had quickly given up and exacted her revenge.

She said to herself: "serve him right". This was her justification for her betrayal.
Because I was guilty of 'carrying-on.' Which she then admitted in February was a delusion.

Now, work that one out, if you can. 

I can't. I think it's simply mad.

That's certainly what she says now: "serve him right", having unleashed all her hate onto me. She thought she could escape scot-free with her betrayal. But my April anniversary letter told her that I knew what she had done.

Psychopaths are callous and show a lack of empathy, traits described as “cold heartedness.” They have a “callous unconcern for the feelings of others." and inability to feel emotions deeply.
Psychopaths and sociopaths, show a lack of emotion, especially social emotions such as shame, guilt, and embarrassment. Psychopaths show a “lack of remorse or shame.”
Psychopaths show unreliability, i.e. they blame others for things that are actually their fault. They may admit blame when forced into a corner, but these admissions are not accompanied by a sense of shame or remorse and have no power to change future behaviour.
Ranging from “glibness” and “superficial charm,” to “untruthfulness” and “insincerity,” to outright “pathological lying,” there is a trend toward devaluing speech itself among psychopaths by inflating and distorting it toward selfish ends. The criteria include  “conning others for personal profit or pleasure.” They possess a “grandiose sense of self worth.” 
Psychopaths are impulsive, as well as problems with passive avoidance and with processing emotions.
Psychopaths show a “pathologic egocentricity and incapacity for love” 

Quite a lot of that diagnosis applies to Sarah Chilton. Perhaps my daughter was right and she is a psycho.

Her betrayal made any contact from her, any change in her behaviour, impossible for her, of course.

What about her deluded email back in April '17? I told her straight then, that she was completely deluded and it was all in her head.

But she couldn't get rid of those feelings of jealousy and insecurity about an ex helping me, so they came bubbling back up again at the end of May.

In December, I was the one who finally 'weakened' and gave in. I had to try and speak to her. But she was ready with that horrible, deluded tirade about me 'carrying on'. She knew exactly what I was talking about when I asked her: "How could you do that?"

So her response was: "How could you do that to me?"

Transference. And projection. She was the victim, amazingly.

Justifying her betrayal of me. Because I was "carrying on". That was the delusion she invented to explain her actions. She was the victim, not me.

Phew.

Then two months later in February, she finally admitted the 'carrying on' allegation wasn't true!

Now work that one out. 

And she thinks I am mad!

Amazingly enough, I have accepted her betrayal - I have experienced far worse from her now. It's no real surprise or shock anymore. This is what she is capable of.

But I did mis-judge her, terribly. Thought she was essentially a good person, not seriously troubled. Thought she was warm, gentle, kind, caring.

Not the opposite.

(Digression: I remember her vividly having a real go about one of her colleagues at ABL, Chris Oxborrow, ironically a Psychological Therapist. There was very bad blood between them and I couldn't get to the bottom of what the problem was.

"I am going to get her, one day", Sarah told me. I was a bit startled, raised my eyebrows and asked what she meant. "I will sort her out, when the time is right," she told me. I guess this reveals something more about her. That tendency to lash out wildly, to seek revenge for something intangible, unexplainable. Which of course, is exactly what she did to me, with her betrayal later. Perhaps Ms Oxborrow had spotted something in her that at that point, still eluded me?)    

I have the most difficulty with Sarah's simple abandonment - returning my front door keys, the silence, the lack of any understanding, empathy, or support when I was really struggling. I do find that absolutely astonishing.

But remember, she is always the victim. Not me.

When I re-read this, I realise just how twisted her mind is. How desperately she needs help.

In a funny kind of way, I think Sarah's denial of the impact of her actions on me reveals her own lack of self-esteem and her emotional insecurity.

That's why she didn't acknowledge reading anything from this blog about me. She was only interested in the stuff about her.

The truth is this: I started this blog in November to tell the story of what had happened to me in mental health services. How awful they were.

Then I had to explain how I got to that terrible place - all the circumstances.

Then the blog became a kind of therapy, me ruminating online, and anonymously, about this woman's motives (anonymously, I called her Sandra), because I had no answers. Her character, personality, constantly trying to find an answer to the questions: "why?" and "how?"

Sarah saw all this, but didn't respond. Obviously.

It was only much later after the Marsden incident, after she had lied to me and greeted me with a wall of enforced silence and ignorance, and then finally complained to the police and I was arrested, that I thought 'fuck her then'.

I changed the blog so that it was no longer anonymous. Why should I care about her, when she had not cared about me? The May 5th incident with her mad father and her, had actually halted my recovery. I had come back from holiday determined to put her behind me, deleted the Jack Marsden Twitter account, took the blog down - and my reward for this was her mad father on the rampage and her nasty vindictiveness.

I had been determined to try and forget her. It was going to be a new start. And my final goodbye to Marsden, just me and Bob going around the places we knew well. And then she unleashed the hounds on me for simply visiting the village. And for her father having a lunatic episode. As if it was my fault!

I should have really stopped my car, got out and said to him: "Do you know what your daughter is really like? Or are you as deluded as she is?"

But he would have been violent - he had been fighting with her in the lane. And then her twisted, horrible face. Motioning me to stop my car. "I'm not communicating with you", I told her.

"I've called the police," she told me. "And I've got you on tape." (yet another lie). Seriously horrible. Terrifying.

All of that hideous ignorance, silence, lack of understanding or empathy and, again, care-lessness, the sheer vindictive, nastiness of her in all its twisted glory.

Does anything about any of this, seem absolutely crazy? It does to me.

And then she lied repeatedly to the police (as she lied to me about her betrayal) when I was subsequently arrested in July out of the blue.

She avoided mentioning crucial things, because they wouldn't show her in a good light. She was the victim, after all. Not me.

Maybe she felt some guilt/shame about her reckless abandonment of me. But not mentioned to the police. She told them she had ended our relationship 'sometime in May'. Of course, she didn't. She wanted me to come running after her. Because I didn't, I had 'ruined her life'. She then betrayed me out of revenge.

Didn't tell the police how she ranted hysterically at me on her doorstep in December and falsely accused me of 'carrying on'.

Didn't tell them about my horrible struggle with diabetes and the continual hypos/hypers.

Didn't tell them about my depression, anxiety, eventual breakdown and voluntary admittance to a mental health unit.

About my repeated suicide attempts.

About her father's wild tantrum, when I was trying to bid a last farewell to Marsden.

All of this was shut out and hidden.

She was the real victim, after all.

I don't really understand how she can live with herself after all this. But, I guess, if she is a psychopath, none of it will matter to her.

Digression: I remember her telling me yonks ago that she would lie for me, when my case went to an industrial tribunal. I was horrified by the suggestion. But maybe it shows a propensity for lying, for deception.

And by her continual delusions. She has even deceived herself. Lied to herself.

A lot of this is completely mad and completely horrible. But Sarah will never see it. Not her fault, of course. And no-one would believe it to look at her.

I have now been forced to give up any hope for her. Even though, surprisingly and insanely, I didn't want to. Despite everything that had happened, I still had faith and hope that one day, she would see sense. But I guess intelligence is no guarantee of self-awareness or rationality.

Unable to say goodbye properly. Unable to have a civilised conversation with me after almost two years together. Ignoring Jack Marsden on Twitter. Ignoring the blog. Lying, continually. Hoping it would all blow over. Continuing to delude herself. The lies, the dishonesty, the cruelty, the care-lessness.

And none of it was my fault. I did nothing wrong.

God, if there is such a thing as Karma, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. But maybe - now that she is touching 50, childless and never having had a successful relationship, never been married - maybe this is Karma for her now.

So there we are.

One of the cops, who showed more empathy for me than Sarah ever did, told me: "You are a broken man."

I am.

I do not know if I will ever be able to put myself back together again. The last 18 months have been the most devastating I have ever suffered. It has been really horrible, horrible.

And it has affected me physically, mentally and emotionally. Lost three stone, huge bags under my eyes, deep lines in my face. My hands shake. I get dizzy and confused. Can't think straight. And I ruminate on it all. Day in, day out.

No-one understands the pain or the hurt she has inflicted. Least of all the self-styled 'giggly person'.

I refuse to engage with other people now, refuse to make any connection with anyone. My trust has gone, because I invested so much of it in Sarah.

I have been forcibly retired, suddenly, and have no role in life, although my employer was forced to settle my unfair dismissal claim with a handsome pay-out to avoid the publicity. No consolation, of course.

But it's more than that. I thought the woman I loved was caring, compassionate, gentle, kind (tho God knows what ever led me to believe that). Now I have discovered she is none of those things.

So that realisation now undermines my faith in all humanity. Which is a fairly destructive position for me to take, I know.

And there is an overwhelming sadness and sorrow which seems to overpower and engulf me when I least expect it. And it won't go away. It's always there - a cloud hanging over me. Then it turns into a huge wave, knocking me down, so I cannot function normally. Most days are like this. This is depression.

I still see her everywhere - women with the same hairstyle, someone who looks a little bit like her. Women drinking coffee in Cafe Nero. I always scan new places just to make sure she is not there, with a new man. Look at passing cars to make sure it's not her mini (I used to hope for that, now I dread it).

And I still wait for another knock at the door from the cops in the middle of the night, at Sarah's care-less instigation. 

No wonder I can't sleep. This is anxiety.

She has no idea of the damage she has caused. Wilfully.

Emotionally? I can never trust anyone.

I only trust my two children. No-one else (and with good reason).

And I truly doubt whether I will ever be able to trust anyone else ever again. Because at the back of my mind, I will always be thinking, if this happened with Sarah, it will happen again.

How deluded I was about her. (Maybe her delusions were contagious).

It will be extremely difficult for me to put this experience away in a box, as I have been instructed to do. Treat it as a one-off. I will not take the risk again of being hurt so profoundly. Because I will be terrified of getting into that same suicidal place again. Perhaps that's moral cowardice. But I am not THAT brave.

At the moment I have no suicidal ideation. But I do think my life is worthless. And I am desperately unhappy, alone and isolated. And totally traumatised by the shock of it all.

But none of it has been my fault. It was all hers.

And I did nothing wrong - there was no 'carrying on'.

But what a price I have paid for Sarah's delusion. Just silence and ignorance from her, while I was desperately struggling for my life and trying to make some sense of it all.

I have horrible memories of the pain, hurt and worry she caused. It constantly feels like I have been punched in the stomach, again and again. That sick emptiness. What is it now - four or five suicide attempts? Come the winter? Or something else?

If it t'were be done, next time, t'were better that it be done quickly.

My life will never be the same again. Can't be shared with anyone. Too risky.
And they wouldn't understand me, anyway. Just like Sarah.

Yet another PS:

This is the end now, online. I have had my say.

I apologise for 'outing' her like this. There is nothing else I can do, apart from write about it and about her, honestly. It is my therapy. And her behaviour has left me with no other choice.

So I am leaving my story here. For posterity.

So much pain and hurt and damage. And all because of this care-less woman.

I have lived through this torture for 18 months, day after day.

But I am still alive. Just about.

The song says it all.

You little thief
You let me love you
You saw me stumbling
You watched me fall
You left me broken 
Shattered and bleeding
But there's no hard feelings 
There no feelings at all

You little thief
You little savage
You little beauty 
You little whore
You've taken everything
I had to believe in
Now there's nothing 
To believe in at all

So tell me how does it feel 
To make a grown man wanna die?
Does it make you uneasy
Does it ever cross your mind?

You little dream
You little nightmare
You little nothing
You little girl

You left me broken

There's no hard feelings

Cos when I needed you
You watched me fall

Songwriters: Benmont M. Tench

You Little Thief lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc